Finding The Right Words To Say...

Last night, after looking at a few of my study notes, I went to my bed, hid under my blanket and cried my eyes out. And this morning I was late for class because I overslept. Things were taking its toll on me so early during the year. Truth was that I was really scared. Scared of the unknown. I won't attribute it to stress although the feeling is more of being stressed out. But what is more of concern to me is that the thing I was afraid about the most is finally beginning to haunt me.

And it is hard...hard for me to get out of my own mental cage although I'm trying very hard. By the end of first year, I made myself choose on who to trust. My subject selection clearly marks where my loyalty lie. I knew absolutely how risky it was...but it was faith that drove me. But things just kind of fell so fast apart just as it happened and now I'm being punished badly for it. I trust a certain group of people and they know very much who they are. But because of circumstances, it feels very awkward to ask something now. But the faithful are always persecuted for their faith, so I still believe one day that they will come forward to help me. I just hope the one day will be very soon.

I know it's useless to explain myself now but all I can do is say I'm sorry for all the things that I've done. I hope you all can forgive me for my immaturity and childishness but I don't really want to be ex-communicated anymore because of this... and I would very much to like to earn all your trust back.