Left Standing In The Cold

The call finally came back a few days after the incident happened. The person apologised and we buried the hatchet...

So many things have changed after one year in melb. I guess everyone has found their little cozy spot here. Except me. After tonight's party, we all walked back together as one group. But slowly little by little, the whole group disintegrated. We walked past friend's places and bid goodbye to one another. Towards the end, I found out that the last destination was mine and I was the only one left. I ended up walking back myself. Although, the lonely walk back home was not my first, this one felt excruciatingly painful to me. It proved that I still couldn't fit in here even after one year no matter how hard I tried. Everyone at least had someone. I didn't...

I never felt so homesick before ever since coming to melb. But now I bitterly am. I've always asked myself what's the problem with myself? Not meeting the right people or am I just plain strange? I don't know... Friends and acquaintances alike always seem to be uncomfortable around me, I don't know why. I guess I'm a quiet person no doubt about that. But I just hope someone will talk to me, brighten up my day, ask me how I am and stuff like that...

But most importantly, why I feel particularly this way is because I'm studying alone... It's not that I don't have friends doing the same subjects, it's just that I'm not sure who to call when I'm having problems. And although it's the first week of uni, I'm really feeling the dread... I

I just wish someone would encourage me and help me focus because my apartment has become more of a monolith rather than a place of santuary. I really envy my friends, all of them at least have someone close... I hope to find that someone soon...


- I want to go home so badly...-